Another Simple Thursday...

Woot! So the song 'Inner Child's Suicide" has been re-recorded, edited and finished... for now. Lol, until I decide to change it. Haha. Now, I'm just debating on whether to upload it now, or later. So check in for that. I'm also trying to decide if I should have it as a fan exclusive or not. Hmm...

+++

So we went to the dollar store last week, and unfortunately for Sadie, we could not find a bug catching thingie. We will try dollarama though. We only went to the new dollar store. So They might still have one.

While we took the dog outside, Sadie found herself a monarch butterfly. She didn't bring her butterfly net so she couldnt catch it. She was some what disappointed, but was pleased she got to see one. It doesn't really take much to please her. Lol.

Cartoons

We never made it to the dollar store yesterday. After doing my work I got too tired and fell asleep, until dinner. We all sat at the table in the backyard and had bbq pork chops. Yummy!!

Sadie is watching cartoons right now, I'm waiting for Naughty naughty pets, and then I would like to go to bed for a few hours, until Claire calls me about going to the bay front... there is this gay read a book show on, it's about a cow who reads stories to his little farm friends.. I'm going to mute it and wait for my shows to come on. Sadie will understand.

After a while of drawing, me and Sadie began to paint a new picture. She loves painting. My picture is turning out quite nicely. I'd actually like to go out and buy some violet paint. I also need to get a floor easel... hmm...

Sadie's a little sad because it's suppose to rain, and she really wants to go play in the garden. But the rain clouds are over us now and they're pretty dark...

Why really?

The more and more I work on this music project of Sadie, the more and more I realize how scared I actually am of becoming anything more than what I am, "fame" wise. Of course, I'm not doing this for the fame, I am doing it because it is the way I am healing myself of a very traumatic experience.

So far, in my progress, I've established an "alter-ego" in the form of a little girl, who I am now "taking care of". Momma Bear says, it's re-parenting myself. I think it's the best way to heal, take care of the child who was hurt. So far, I have become accustomed to buying real things for Sadie, I refer to her as if she were an actual person. I draw pictures of her doing ordinary things. I write about her. I draw her everywhere. Sadie has become a "real" person for me, that I take care of. That I love, that I watch over. She's a blessing...

But the more I go on with my music project, the more scared I become, and there's no exact reason why. I do this because I want to share my experiences, and show that as a Survivor, you can heal, somewhat. (No matter how much healing you do, it will never feel complete...) I feel there are no real cons to this entire thing, I think it's just my anxiety getting in the way...

++++
Picture: My niece Zoey

Sadie and I are going to the dollar store to pick up a few things today. Then we're going down to the Bayfront maybe, with Claire, to check out the artisan fair they have every weekend. Then Claire and i are possibly going to karaoke at TAPS. I should call and ask Ash if she wants to come...

But we're going to check and see if the new dollar store has Sadie's bug thingie she keeps asking for.. if not we'll have to walk over to dollarama and see if they still have them. She wants a bamboo fishing pole too for some reason.. she doesn't really like fishing.. or at least I think she doesn't. I dont I know that.. I guess the moment has never presented itself.

I wanted to go camping with daddy this weekend. But I dont finish work until tomorrow morning, and they left yesterday.. Kind of sad he didn't ask. Sadie hasn't been camping yet, I think she'd love it. Maybe in August we can go...

I have to get my camera from Momma Bear, cause I'm going nuts without it... I have pictures of Sadie that I want to put up..

Now off to do some work and maybe me and Sadie will garden for a bit before I get to tired to do anything...

New Pictures Later

I have a few new pictures of Sadie, but unfortunately forgot my camera at Momma-Bear's when I was up there for a few days earlier this week. Sadie enjoyed playing with the baby, Lilia, who is like so big now. Lol. She's be five months on Saturday.

Sadie had enjoyed herself. We're going to get her little bug catcher thingie probably tomorrow, seeing as how I was to tired to do anything today. We have to get some shelves as well.

Raining drops of Happiness

Hey Everyone,

There's been a new song added to the reverbnation site. It's a demo, so it's only previewed, UNLESS you become an exclusive fan. ;) So check it out my little bumble bees...

Oh yes, and don't forget to join the mailing list. It keeps you updated through emails. Which make things a little bit easier for me. Lol.

Update: I tried to put photos but it's being le gay for some reason...

+++

It's raining here right now. A thunder storm. Sadie likes thunderstorms. see likes to sit by the window and stare out and watch the rain. Sometimes if it's warm enough out, we'll go play out in the rain. She enjoys activities like that. I like to keep her occupied most of the time with such things.

We haven't yet purchased a bug thingie, only because I keep forgetting. It's only a dollar at the dollar store so it's all good.

She says she wants a telescope now. She likes to watch the stars a lot, when she's supposed to be sleeping. A lot of the time I'll check in on her and find she's fallen asleep at the window. Quite the little angel really..

We want to get another cat. Her name will be Matilda. We'll see what happens...

le sigh...

I'm slightly depressed today... have been since last night. Somewhat freaking out about moving on my own, somewhat freaked out about telling my mom that I'm starting to save up to move out. Makes me feel kinda sick to my stomach. I'm not very nice to myself when I'm by myself. Everyone says get a cat... they forget I have Spartacus, but... as much as I love him, he's a cat...

Sadie gets scared sometimes. she thinks I might leave her behind. Leave her alone... makes me kind of sad she would think so...

She was out trying to catch butterflies with her new butterfly net yesterday... with no luck. But it's okay, she doesn't have a bug box thingie yet.

We've some new plants, Sadie is quite excited by this. She keeps asking if we'll be able to have plants at the new place, if we move... I hope so, I tell her. Gardening, flowers, dirt, make me a little bit happier...

I've yet to record more. I recorded one song, but I don't like the vocals much. There is always someone home, for some reason.

...I"m afraid to move on my own but complain cause there's always someone home... I don't get myself sometimes...

If only you could hear my "emo" sighs.... lol.