Update

So life gets in the way, and lately I've had theSadieproject on the back burner. I know bad me. I still have songs that need to be recorded but there are never any times when there is NO one here. I hate recording when someone is home because they end up making noise and screw up my takes.

I'd like to get a laptop so I can do my recording in my room, but bills and rent need to be paid...

If anyone would like to donate! ;) hahaha.

So Sadie is doing well, she wants this whistling thing from the dollar store. It whistles when you spin it, it's like a tube thing.... With the Halloween Party coming up we haven't had the cash to get it yet. lol. But no worries, our beloved will get it, probably next week.

Sadie is unsure of what she wants to be for Halloween yet. It's a mix up between a cat, a princess (surprise there eh? Lol.) or a bumble bee. I think she would be cute as a Bumble bee. I think i will buy it for her anyways. ^.^

It's been rather chilly out lately. I'm going to be starting a new job soon. Tired of working a Tim Horton's. But for some reason I feel guilty about leaving. I think sometimes I am to compassionate... Some things I need to let go of... ;)

Greetings...

Photo: My niece Zoey and my cousin Tiffany

So since august 13th, there has been a new song up. It's the official Inner Child's Suicide. Which I am seriously thinking about changing the name too, only because it's just a mouth full to spit out, and I'm just not really happy with that title.

But what to call it, I think a came up with a good name a while ago but now I can't remember it..


So Sadie, has been good lately. We worked on what is left of our garden. Amazingly, the plants we started growing at the beginning of the season are the only plants we have left now. And one is still even sprouting flowers every other week. It's great.

We been painting a lot lately. We've been working on this green painting right now. Sadie has been painting flower vines on the walls. She like to decorate her room that way. Artistic freedom. I let her painting on the walls. Lol. so far we have vines wrapping around the front window now. Lol. She hasn't gotten to the flowers yet, but I think it will look lovely when she is done.

We went out yesterday, went to get something for dinner. We ended up getting some chicken and a green pepper, and we bought some cake mix. So I made chicken and fried rice, and Sadie helped Chelle make the cake. it was a double layered golden cake, with chocolate icing.

And we sat and watch movies all night, together. It was great. We had a really good time.

Sadie doesn't like it when I have to go back to work.. She has to spend most of the night alone..

Happiness is a dream we all deserve....

While talking to the girl whom i was talking to last night, I shall call her Laura for safety sake the situation she is in with an abusive living arrangement... she continues to tell me that she deserves to be beaten and raped, whenever she is at home and not at work...

Me: I know. it's an awful feeling to know that i can't do much more for you than talk to you.
Laura: It ok I'm use to it now I have been getting beat and raped since I was 3 years old I deserve this

Me:

...no you don't. that's me saying I deserved being raped when I was six, and that it was my fault this 40 year old man would sneak into my room at night while my mother slept, and I had to protect my three year old sister from him...

We didn't deserve it then, we don't deserve it now. We are worth so much more Laura. We deserve to be happy, and to be loved unconditionally. We deserve to have peace, and to wake up in the morning with a smile on our face, not fear in our hearts. We deserve to be able to go to bed and expect nothing but good dreams...

We deserve a happy, uncomplicated life... We deserve this, YOU deserve this...

Now talking to her has made me think of a lot of things for myself. which i am happy that i have come as far as i have. I an proud of the person I am becoming. And proud at the amount of happiness I bring to just myself alone...

Dear Sadie,

I helped a girl last night. Before i went to work. She's a survivor like us... and she needs help real bad. She wanted to commit suicide last night. But i manage to talk her out of it.. gave her some sense of hope, some how.

She's in a bad situation, but she lives so faraway and I feel so helpless that I can't do anything else but talk to her, and help her get through the day... I don't know what else I can do for her other than tell her to find a way out, give her some numbers...

But she's made it through the night alive, and that's all I can ask for i guess. She needs to take it one day at a time I know what that is like... it's what I've been doing for the last three years....

Hopefully, she can gain enough confidence to get herself out... I have faith that in time, she will learn that she is worth so much more than what she's been lead to believe. And that she deserves so much more in life than beatings and rape.

I hope I can help her find the confidence she needs to help herself... but i can only be an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on...

I hope you are proud of me Sadie... if it wasn't for you, i think I'd be hurting just as much right now... even though it has been so long since we got out...

Love, Lindsay

One Year Ago...

Okay, so ladies and gents. it has been one year to the day that the Sadie project was born. Yes, today is Sadie's birthday. A special post will come later on today when she wakes up and we can celebrate it together.

So it being a whole entire year, I thought to celebrate why not upload the official version of "Inner Child's Suicide". I'm also thinking that for a limited amount of time, streaming in the fan exclusive area, the self-titled song "Sadie" heard by no one except some special people. ;)

I shall debate this amongst myself for a bit. If that sentence even made sense. Hahaha. I just spelt sense-sence... haha.

So anyways, since it is like 3:30 in the morning, I'm gonna go to bed.

Love, Lindsay

Update: I've decided that I will upload the song "Sadie", but only until midnight tonight. Then I shall take it down. It's the one song that I've been saving for the last year. It still needs tweaks and I think I will re-record it, so it is just a demo now.

Remember, fan-exclusive means, that to listen to the whole song, you need to sign up for it. ;) But dont worry, it's not like you're selling your soul to me or anything! Lol.

Sleepy Fridays....

Yeah, so i decided to add more to the new song. Lol. So far it's starting to sound amazing. Although it's subject matter is rather sad, as is most of the Sadie project, ha ha. This song makes me feel some amazing positive energy. Although at the time when I wrote it, back when I was like 16 or 17, I was in a very miserable spot, regardless what it looked like on the outside. I was angry, depressed, just completely miserable. I'm glad I'm not there anymore. At least at this moment in time. Lol.

So I guess this is what I will be doing for the next few days, working on this song, Inner Child's Suicide. I think I might change the name, but I'm not sure what to change it to, since that's exactly what the song is about...

hmm....

Another Simple Thursday...

Woot! So the song 'Inner Child's Suicide" has been re-recorded, edited and finished... for now. Lol, until I decide to change it. Haha. Now, I'm just debating on whether to upload it now, or later. So check in for that. I'm also trying to decide if I should have it as a fan exclusive or not. Hmm...

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So we went to the dollar store last week, and unfortunately for Sadie, we could not find a bug catching thingie. We will try dollarama though. We only went to the new dollar store. So They might still have one.

While we took the dog outside, Sadie found herself a monarch butterfly. She didn't bring her butterfly net so she couldnt catch it. She was some what disappointed, but was pleased she got to see one. It doesn't really take much to please her. Lol.

Cartoons

We never made it to the dollar store yesterday. After doing my work I got too tired and fell asleep, until dinner. We all sat at the table in the backyard and had bbq pork chops. Yummy!!

Sadie is watching cartoons right now, I'm waiting for Naughty naughty pets, and then I would like to go to bed for a few hours, until Claire calls me about going to the bay front... there is this gay read a book show on, it's about a cow who reads stories to his little farm friends.. I'm going to mute it and wait for my shows to come on. Sadie will understand.

After a while of drawing, me and Sadie began to paint a new picture. She loves painting. My picture is turning out quite nicely. I'd actually like to go out and buy some violet paint. I also need to get a floor easel... hmm...

Sadie's a little sad because it's suppose to rain, and she really wants to go play in the garden. But the rain clouds are over us now and they're pretty dark...

Why really?

The more and more I work on this music project of Sadie, the more and more I realize how scared I actually am of becoming anything more than what I am, "fame" wise. Of course, I'm not doing this for the fame, I am doing it because it is the way I am healing myself of a very traumatic experience.

So far, in my progress, I've established an "alter-ego" in the form of a little girl, who I am now "taking care of". Momma Bear says, it's re-parenting myself. I think it's the best way to heal, take care of the child who was hurt. So far, I have become accustomed to buying real things for Sadie, I refer to her as if she were an actual person. I draw pictures of her doing ordinary things. I write about her. I draw her everywhere. Sadie has become a "real" person for me, that I take care of. That I love, that I watch over. She's a blessing...

But the more I go on with my music project, the more scared I become, and there's no exact reason why. I do this because I want to share my experiences, and show that as a Survivor, you can heal, somewhat. (No matter how much healing you do, it will never feel complete...) I feel there are no real cons to this entire thing, I think it's just my anxiety getting in the way...

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Picture: My niece Zoey

Sadie and I are going to the dollar store to pick up a few things today. Then we're going down to the Bayfront maybe, with Claire, to check out the artisan fair they have every weekend. Then Claire and i are possibly going to karaoke at TAPS. I should call and ask Ash if she wants to come...

But we're going to check and see if the new dollar store has Sadie's bug thingie she keeps asking for.. if not we'll have to walk over to dollarama and see if they still have them. She wants a bamboo fishing pole too for some reason.. she doesn't really like fishing.. or at least I think she doesn't. I dont I know that.. I guess the moment has never presented itself.

I wanted to go camping with daddy this weekend. But I dont finish work until tomorrow morning, and they left yesterday.. Kind of sad he didn't ask. Sadie hasn't been camping yet, I think she'd love it. Maybe in August we can go...

I have to get my camera from Momma Bear, cause I'm going nuts without it... I have pictures of Sadie that I want to put up..

Now off to do some work and maybe me and Sadie will garden for a bit before I get to tired to do anything...

New Pictures Later

I have a few new pictures of Sadie, but unfortunately forgot my camera at Momma-Bear's when I was up there for a few days earlier this week. Sadie enjoyed playing with the baby, Lilia, who is like so big now. Lol. She's be five months on Saturday.

Sadie had enjoyed herself. We're going to get her little bug catcher thingie probably tomorrow, seeing as how I was to tired to do anything today. We have to get some shelves as well.

Raining drops of Happiness

Hey Everyone,

There's been a new song added to the reverbnation site. It's a demo, so it's only previewed, UNLESS you become an exclusive fan. ;) So check it out my little bumble bees...

Oh yes, and don't forget to join the mailing list. It keeps you updated through emails. Which make things a little bit easier for me. Lol.

Update: I tried to put photos but it's being le gay for some reason...

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It's raining here right now. A thunder storm. Sadie likes thunderstorms. see likes to sit by the window and stare out and watch the rain. Sometimes if it's warm enough out, we'll go play out in the rain. She enjoys activities like that. I like to keep her occupied most of the time with such things.

We haven't yet purchased a bug thingie, only because I keep forgetting. It's only a dollar at the dollar store so it's all good.

She says she wants a telescope now. She likes to watch the stars a lot, when she's supposed to be sleeping. A lot of the time I'll check in on her and find she's fallen asleep at the window. Quite the little angel really..

We want to get another cat. Her name will be Matilda. We'll see what happens...

le sigh...

I'm slightly depressed today... have been since last night. Somewhat freaking out about moving on my own, somewhat freaked out about telling my mom that I'm starting to save up to move out. Makes me feel kinda sick to my stomach. I'm not very nice to myself when I'm by myself. Everyone says get a cat... they forget I have Spartacus, but... as much as I love him, he's a cat...

Sadie gets scared sometimes. she thinks I might leave her behind. Leave her alone... makes me kind of sad she would think so...

She was out trying to catch butterflies with her new butterfly net yesterday... with no luck. But it's okay, she doesn't have a bug box thingie yet.

We've some new plants, Sadie is quite excited by this. She keeps asking if we'll be able to have plants at the new place, if we move... I hope so, I tell her. Gardening, flowers, dirt, make me a little bit happier...

I've yet to record more. I recorded one song, but I don't like the vocals much. There is always someone home, for some reason.

...I"m afraid to move on my own but complain cause there's always someone home... I don't get myself sometimes...

If only you could hear my "emo" sighs.... lol.

We're Back

So we're back online at home now. Whoo-hoo!

Nothing really new to report regarding the music scene in this house. Lol. I think I'm taking a short break from Sadie. Though we did purchase a butterfly net thingie, so Sadie will just have to save up for a bug box thingie and then she'll be able to go out and catch butterflies. She's rather excited. Cant wait to capture it on paper.

Anyways, going to bed now. Worked lastnight, and again tonight until wednesday. :(

Hello, Everybody!!!

So the internet is down for a while at the house and I have been lacking in money the last week. So I am trying to make it to the computer as often as I can. I've currently taken a break from the Sadie project for now to gain some more perspective on my aspiring musical career.

My father had pointed out some good points about college and future things and it has gotten me to thinking.

I'm also thinking about talking to Rob about beginning o look for band members as things need a kick start. I've discovered that I have not figured out my true stage, front singer extent as I have not performed with a band ever. I would like to begin performing full band.

Other than that, things are actually not to bad. My garden is doing well, Sadie is quite happy with it and has named our new flowers, "Ruthie".

UPDATE:
This is "Ruthie"

RIP Henry

Well Henry died. Sometime on the weekend. We found himbent over the side of the pot. It was very sad.

The wild flowers are growing faster than ever though. I'm pretty much convinced that Henry died cause he wasn't in the other pot with all the wild flowers. He just had a bunch of baby clovers to keep himself company. Sadie is very disstraught by the loss of her beloved plant. She is planning a plant funeral.

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No new progress on the songs yet. Trying to figure out what harmonies are needed and such. It's hard to do any recording when the entire world's population is in your house all the time.
I severely need to get myself a laptop, they're just sooo expensive.

If anyone wants to buy me one, please feel free! ;) Ha ha ha.

Other than that, Matthew Good concert on friday, sooooo excited!

Some Ideas

I've been thinking about piano parts to some Sadie songs. Unfortuantly I'm not really that good at playing the piano. There's no faking my way through that one. Lol. I just dont know anyone with any really good piano skills. It sucks that I have really good ideas, I just can't do anything with'em.

Oh, woe unto me...

Back to Recording

So I have a couple of songs that haven't been recorded yet. I wrote a new song yesterday, well technically, I wrote the words years ago, but yesterday worked it into a song. It's pretty powerful. I recorded it yesterday and now it's going through the editing process. So far it's sounding pretty good.

I have at least two more songs that need to be recorded, so stay tuned for that.

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Sadie's plant Henry isn't doing to well. We're going to look for a ladder for him to climb, after all he is a climbing vine. Hopfully he gets better soon. He's starting to look a little dry. I've given up watering him in the middle of the day. Early morning and evening before bed.

More on Henry's progress later...

The Wildflowers on the otherhand are doing rather well. Once they're big enough I will lant them in the ground, but I need to purchase some dirt first. Anone who wants to buy me some organic garden dirt i shall let you. ;)

Cheers!

The Butterfly

One of Sadie's favourite things are butterflies. She likes to roam around the garden and try to catch them all the time. She likes how beautiful they are. I bought her a butterfly net the other day, but she wont use it until we get a bug box for her to put the butterfly in.

In the Garden

Me and Sadie were out in the garden this morning. We planted blue forget-me-nots, red poppies, baby's breath, snap dragons, and wild flowers.
Our climbing vine, Henry, graduated from the nursery bed to a big-boy pot this morning as well. Sadie held a graduation ceremony for the nursery of 2008. Henry was the tallest of his class. ;)
She was quite satisfied.

Under Construction

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