Happiness is a dream we all deserve....

While talking to the girl whom i was talking to last night, I shall call her Laura for safety sake the situation she is in with an abusive living arrangement... she continues to tell me that she deserves to be beaten and raped, whenever she is at home and not at work...

Me: I know. it's an awful feeling to know that i can't do much more for you than talk to you.
Laura: It ok I'm use to it now I have been getting beat and raped since I was 3 years old I deserve this

Me:

...no you don't. that's me saying I deserved being raped when I was six, and that it was my fault this 40 year old man would sneak into my room at night while my mother slept, and I had to protect my three year old sister from him...

We didn't deserve it then, we don't deserve it now. We are worth so much more Laura. We deserve to be happy, and to be loved unconditionally. We deserve to have peace, and to wake up in the morning with a smile on our face, not fear in our hearts. We deserve to be able to go to bed and expect nothing but good dreams...

We deserve a happy, uncomplicated life... We deserve this, YOU deserve this...

Now talking to her has made me think of a lot of things for myself. which i am happy that i have come as far as i have. I an proud of the person I am becoming. And proud at the amount of happiness I bring to just myself alone...

Dear Sadie,

I helped a girl last night. Before i went to work. She's a survivor like us... and she needs help real bad. She wanted to commit suicide last night. But i manage to talk her out of it.. gave her some sense of hope, some how.

She's in a bad situation, but she lives so faraway and I feel so helpless that I can't do anything else but talk to her, and help her get through the day... I don't know what else I can do for her other than tell her to find a way out, give her some numbers...

But she's made it through the night alive, and that's all I can ask for i guess. She needs to take it one day at a time I know what that is like... it's what I've been doing for the last three years....

Hopefully, she can gain enough confidence to get herself out... I have faith that in time, she will learn that she is worth so much more than what she's been lead to believe. And that she deserves so much more in life than beatings and rape.

I hope I can help her find the confidence she needs to help herself... but i can only be an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on...

I hope you are proud of me Sadie... if it wasn't for you, i think I'd be hurting just as much right now... even though it has been so long since we got out...

Love, Lindsay

One Year Ago...

Okay, so ladies and gents. it has been one year to the day that the Sadie project was born. Yes, today is Sadie's birthday. A special post will come later on today when she wakes up and we can celebrate it together.

So it being a whole entire year, I thought to celebrate why not upload the official version of "Inner Child's Suicide". I'm also thinking that for a limited amount of time, streaming in the fan exclusive area, the self-titled song "Sadie" heard by no one except some special people. ;)

I shall debate this amongst myself for a bit. If that sentence even made sense. Hahaha. I just spelt sense-sence... haha.

So anyways, since it is like 3:30 in the morning, I'm gonna go to bed.

Love, Lindsay

Update: I've decided that I will upload the song "Sadie", but only until midnight tonight. Then I shall take it down. It's the one song that I've been saving for the last year. It still needs tweaks and I think I will re-record it, so it is just a demo now.

Remember, fan-exclusive means, that to listen to the whole song, you need to sign up for it. ;) But dont worry, it's not like you're selling your soul to me or anything! Lol.

Sleepy Fridays....

Yeah, so i decided to add more to the new song. Lol. So far it's starting to sound amazing. Although it's subject matter is rather sad, as is most of the Sadie project, ha ha. This song makes me feel some amazing positive energy. Although at the time when I wrote it, back when I was like 16 or 17, I was in a very miserable spot, regardless what it looked like on the outside. I was angry, depressed, just completely miserable. I'm glad I'm not there anymore. At least at this moment in time. Lol.

So I guess this is what I will be doing for the next few days, working on this song, Inner Child's Suicide. I think I might change the name, but I'm not sure what to change it to, since that's exactly what the song is about...

hmm....